Survivors of the Z’s- Teddy Baker, Gatewick, outside Wales
I had killed
I had shamed
And I had dissapointed
My own family were disgusted in me and they showed it through glearing eyes.
The other sadness
My son held the knife and all I could do was look on in horror. My dad still wasn’t fighting back.
“Son, put it down, go look after your sister”
Lianne suddenly showed her face. She walked down the stairs clutching her teddy. The look on her face was of horror. After all I had put her through. After everything that had happened. I still told myself it was for the right reasons.
I had too…
“Go back upstairs honey,” I told
“Grandad,” she said
She saw the knife in Jack’s hand. Fear had wrapped around her once again.
“Look at your son,” I did, “look at your daughter,” I did, “now look at yourself”
“You want me to be disgusted,” I strengthened my grip, “you want me to hate myself!”
He struggled to breath.
And I heard the oxygen stopping in his throat. I had squeezed hard so the road had to shut down. His lungs were soon to be starving if I didn’t weaken the grip. I squeezed harder.
I saw his face turning blue. He wasn’t fighting back. It doesn’t matter how much I wanted him too he wasn’t going to do anything. I looked him dead in the eyes and I looked at my kids.
Back and fourth back and fourth. Left turn, right turn, left turn and right turn. Voices colliding in my skull.
I screamed and forced my hand away and watched him fall to the ground eating the air in starvation. I turned to my son and asked without saying a word to put down the knife. He still didn’t listen.
“Jack, put down the knife”
“No, you leave grandpa alone”
“Dad won’t hurt grandpa anymore Jack, put it down,” Dad told
Jack finally listened and dropped the knife. I listened to the lovely sound. He listened, but not to me. To my dad. He had the power over him now.
“Now go upstairs, both of you,” he ordered
They both turned and walked away. Jack looked back a few times before following his sister. We were now alone.
Man to man
Father to son
Sharing the same air
“I did wrong,” I said, “but I did right”
He got up, but he struggled. He sat down, but he struggled…
to breathe. He coughed and I winced when he did.
What did I just do?
“What changed you?” He asked, “how could you think committing such a vile act was right?”
“This world, it’s… it’s changing dad”
“You keep saying that,” he said, “Why?”
“Don’t you see, don’t you see what’s been happening, this world is turning on its head and sooner or later all that’s going to be left is those things out there that are killing people left right and center”
“There’s always a solution son”
I paused and let the time simmer. I paused just to look at my dads face in quiet times. I loved the man but the more I looked and listened to him. The more I realised his energy was wrong. He had no chance…
“I have to tell you something”
“Tell me what?” He asked
“Something that is going to bring everything into perspective”
The film was rewinded and I spoke about every scene.
“Tell me everything,” he told, “I want to know why my son has turned into a
“She told me that she was taking the kids away from me, that was when I arrived back from work, I just saw her there, waiting for me at the driveway…” I took a deep breath, “I thought she was going to apologise, after everything she had put me through, calling me a psycho, calling me deluded, all because I told her that the world will fall because of this disease”
“Nobody in their right mind will believe you son”
“But it’s happening, isn’t it,” I said, “she said the exact same words that you just said, there will be a cure, the whole world is suffering, people are rioting, people are going insane, we’re all going to be infected”
Now it was time to conclude my speech.
“You know when I rammed that knife through her, I felt a lot of things, heartbreak, disgust… happiness, but the one thing that I didn’t think I would feel, was shock,” I lent forward, “here’s how I know that the world is fucked, I buried her… and she came crueling back out”-
“Wait a minute, what?”
“You heard me”
“I don’t think I did, I think I missed heard you”
I shook my head slowly, “no you didn’t”
He thought I was crazy. I knew that, but the next thing to come was something I would’ve never had predicted.
He looked up at the heavens again,
“You’re insane, you really think that it’s the end of the world and the dead are coming back to life?”
“I saw it happen,” I knew I wasn’t going to get through to him, then I deffinately knew he wasn’t going to stand a chance, “you’re dissapointed in me aren’t you?”
“I am,” he told, “you’re a psychopath, you deserve to be locked up and your kids taken away from you”
I stood up and walked toward him. I knelt down to his level.
Eye to eye
Nose to nose
“You try and take my kids away from me, I will put your wrinkly ass in a box”