Survivors of the Z’s – Teddy Baker, Gatewick, outside Wales
I stood in the back garden, out in the open and let the words that were spoken rain upon me.
The faces of the past
The faces that once loved me
Now hated me…
Who was disgusted in me and despised me. I didn’t feel like the old me anymore. I didn’t feel like the guy who was going to just roll over and let anyone screw me up the backside.
And I loved that. I loved the change that was in me.
Once a red heart
Now black with a little red
I loved the fact that I could just look anybody in the eyes and scare them to fucking death.
A new me
A new world
“Son,” he said, “son, look at me”
“No, look at yourself”
“You must see what you’ve become, think, this isn’t you”
“What I’ve become is something that is best for me and my kids, you will see when the world crumbles completely”
I didn’t look round. I felt his presence behind me, but I didn’t let it in. I didn’t let the once love that was now hate grab me. I just kept my eyes on the vast field in front of me and let it wrap me in a bubble.
I felt his frustration, “You keep talking about the world falling a part”
“So why don’t you see why I’m angry, upset…?” he began to crack, “confused, you’re my son and I have been told that you’ve killed your wife and her mother”
“For good reasons”
“What good reason… the world crumbling?!”
“You will see when the time comes”
I kept my back turned
I could feel the anger
A volcano ready to erupt
An asteroid ready to hit
I wanted to strangle the life out of him and I wanted to bury his body where he stood.
A shadow had blocked the sun
My grip on the back fence grew tighter.
“Believe me when I say this son, this is all in your head, you need help”
“No, it’s just that you’re too blind to see, you all are”
I felt his touch on my shoulder. I looked and grimaced.
He couldn’t see
He never would
Blindness had destroyed the man I once looked up to. Old age had made him softer. The death of mum had killed him.
Turned on his heal
And walked back inside
I looked behind me and saw him disappear inside the house. I then directed my gaze to the top window and saw the hateful gaze of my son once again.
“You may hate me, but you will soon see why you need me”
It was night. The time had been full of silence.
I had mostly been knocked back by trying to gain entry to my children. I tried speaking to them but Jack wouldn’t even look at me and Lianne wouldn’t even come near me.
She was scared
I laid on my bed watching the news.
More cities had fallen
More deaths had occurred
And more people had turned into deranged psychoths who prayed on people
“More cities, more deaths, the worlds fucked,” I said
I turned off the TV and felt the darkness fall. I laid their in nothing but silence. Thinking about the moment where my once love
Because of me
No guilt felt. No fucks were given. Then the moment where she reappeared from out of the ground
Her stretched hand
Like it was all meant for me. Her rising from the dead to torment me and if that was the case. The torment can come my way and I would slap it back in the other direction.
I closed my eyes…
The sun beamed through my window. My eyes widened and the new day was introduced. I rose up and planted my feet onto the floor for the first time in the new day. I walked a few steps toward the door.
And hoped to listen to voices from my children
But there wasn’t any
Maybe I was up a little too early?
I walked into Jack and Lianne’s room. I opened it slowly so the creak in the door wouldn’t bellow. I looked inside.
The beds were empty.
“No,” I said
A bad feeling sprayed every inch of my body. My skin began to crawl with unwanted insects…
I shook my head rapidly
I scurried over to my father’s room. I opened without knocking like I would’ve done as a kid and was left apprehensive and wide eyed.
He wasn’t there either.
I hurried down the stairs. On the way I heard nothing so I realised I wasn’t going to have any look.
Had he taken them?
This was my dad I was talking about.
Would he actually do that to me?
I looked upon and listened to the emptiness.
“Jack… Lianne! ”
Still… no answer.
I ran everywhere. All over the house.
I opened my eyes in a cold sweat. I had awakened from a bad dream.
Nothing but a painful pounding heartbeat to say hello with no sunlight
To welcome me.
I looked at my phone. It was the early hours. A voice came to me. Penetrating my mind.
“He’s going to take your kids away,” it said, an evil sound
“No he’s not,” I said, “I won’t let him”
I got up
Opened the door
And walked over to a familiar door. I nudged it open
And walked into the darkened bedroom. I listened to him breathing. I turned the lamp on and gazed into his sleeping soul. All the happy memories
All the sad memories
I grabbed a pillow and stood over him and his eyes slowly opened. His face changed to shocked.
“Son… what’re you doing?”
I planted the pillow on his face and pressed down. His arms went wild. Swinging all over the place. I listened to his screams whilst the pillow silenced them.
Time passed and his arms stopped. I took the pillow off and gazed at him once more.
“I love you father”
I kissed his forehead and walked out. I took one more look, turned off the lamp and let the darkness swallow him.
I closed the door
Walked to my kids room and softly walked in. Whilst gazing their way a smile crossed my face.
“Now you need me more than ever”