Survivors of the Z’s- Rhonda Gedling, Motel Liz, outside Colorado
Tears shot down my face like a deadly stream. Each tear holding the stories of every minute we had spent together.
Each happy moment flashing before my eyes like a projector screen
That darkened every second of watching those moments.
The crack whore held my dead sister in her arms and cried.
The tears streamed down her face.
Tears of regret
Tears of sorrow
Tears that possessed every second that she could’ve spent with me, but she didn’t. I looked at her with hate.
No love intact
Hate that was huge and it overpowered me. It continued my rage and questions flowed.
How could she be such a disgraceful human being?
How could she be such a bad fucking mom?
How could you leave your kids out in the cold and have them listen to you fucking every man that walked through the door?
The only thing I could do as I looked at her is blame her. If it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t have come down here.
If it wasn’t her my sister
My beautiful- loving- sister wouldn’t be fucking dead in front of my very eyes. Every thought I had in my mind as time went on
As I looked at her
Were dark- violent- thoughts of me ending her pathetic life
I stopped them and thought about my sister. My sister loved her and she helped save her, so me killing the bitch would’ve made it all a waste of time
I looked at my knuckles. Redness from me beating the HELL out of the dead man’s mom.
“I’m so sorry, about me… about everything,” mom sobbed, “I’m sorry how I was such a shit mom, I’m sorry I left you on your own with your sister, I’m…” more tears were shed and my symphathy levels were low, just anger, nothing more, “I fucked up”
I snapped, “oh just shut the fuck up!”
Everybody looked at me
All shocked at what I said
“It was you, if it wasn’t for you this wouldn’t have happened, we had to come here and save your fucking worthless ass!”
She tried to speak
“Shut the fuck up and keep quiet or I swear I’ll shut you up myself, listen to me and listen good,” I stood close to her, “she wanted to save you, I… I wanted you dead, after all thats happened, after all we’d been through, without you, I didn’t care if you lived or died”
“Ive been a bad mom, I know”
I stared at her straight in the eyes, “you’ll never understand”
It was nothing but tunnel vision
Nothing more but letting what I feel out to this poor excuse for a human being
A poor excuse for a mother
I despiced her and my eyes
Showed that hate.
“The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you both,” she said
“But you did, you fucked our lives up, you fucked everything up, that’s what you do, thats all you’ll ever do and look where thats gotten you, a dead daughter and a daughter that hates you now more than ever”
My sister was still being consoled by my mother’s arms. I couldn’t get near her. I couldn’t get close and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be close to the whore. I walked away and begged it wasn’t true.
Begged the nightmare wasn’t true
Begged my sister wasn’t dead
And begged that my mom wasn’t there with me
At that moment
I didn’t look back and I heard no words from anyone. I walked outside and cried into the wind.
I listened to the quiet and I heard whispers from the wind.
“Why did you?” I asked, “the way she treated us, the way she abandoned us, you could’ve just left her alone, but you had to push it, you had to push this plan of yours, now… now look whats happened,” I took a deep breath, “shes killed you and shes probably going to kill me too,” I began to sob, “and now I’m without a sister”
I looked upon the horizons and saw the flashbacks. Each stage of us growing up.
Each section of our lives walked along the ground I stood on in a far.
“Hey, urrr… I’m sorry what happened to your sister”
The man that was inside had come to see if I was alright. I stay turned, facing the picture in front of me. I just couldn’t bare to face anybody at that moment. I felt lonely. Trapped in a small room with no doors.
Thats how I felt…
“I lost my brother, a few years ago, itll never leave me, if you ever need to speak to anyone, then I’m here… the names Gary by the way”
“Rhonda,” I told
“Nice to meet you Rhonda, I’ll leave you alone now and remember, I’m here if you need to talk”
“Thank you,” I said
I heard the door close and I was left alone once more. How was I going to manage. In situations like this I always had my sister
She was gone…
After moments of standing on my own and watching the barren- world- pass- by. A sudden shock was sent through me. A bellow from inside was heard. I scurried in and witnessed my sister rising.
“Rhonda!” Mom shouted
I put my hand to my mouth, “Oh god no, please no”
She had risen. She was standing in front of my eyes. I couldn’t move and neither could my mom.
We were all frozen in terror
Including the others
The poor- young- girl had to witness this
This… this nightmare
A woman that was supposed to be dead
Now had risen from the ashes
“I don’t know what to do!” She screamed, “help me!”
Deep down inside I didn’t want to
Deep down inside I wanted her to be torn apart limb from limb
Surely I could’nt have let that happen…