Survivors of the Z’s- Cal Moore, Ashford City California
We sat down at the same tree as before staring upwards at the glistening night sky.
“I worry about you, that’s all,” I told
“Worrying isn’t going to help, I can’t sleep bro and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep again”
The stars were much clearer now. Each one shone. Each one blinked at us. Each one sparkled as bright as the next one. It was beautiful.
Somewhere in my mind
I kind of preffered it this way
To be no street lights
To be no sounds
Then I could look at them
Gaze deeply at the stars
And think about the planets far far away. Then I would imagine myself walking around on that planet with my loved ones.
Without these monsters chasing us everywhere we went.
“Then I won’t sleep either”
“Ok, but I know sooner or later you’ll be shutting those eyes”
“Thats not going to happen”
“What do you thinks going to happen?” He asked
The question lingered over me. A voice at one end told me to tell him how I felt. How I thought he was going to commit suicide. How I felt he was going to think ending his own life would let him see his parents again. Perhaps it would. Perhaps it wouldn’t.
Who knew right until you were actually passed deaths door?
Would that be a good move?
To tell him the truth?
Would that make him think that I thought he was weak?
The other voice told me to lie to him. To lie to my best friend.
He waited for an answer.
“Don’t…” I struggled, “don’t kill yourself, please, that’s why I don’t wanna leave you alone, because that’s what I thinks going to happen, I think I’m gonna find you laying there or something, dead”
He didn’t say a word. Just looked at me. Carried on looking and looking until he looked at the stars again. With him not saying a word made me think that I had said the wrong thing. I felt bad. I felt like he thought
He was weak. If that makes sense it was something I wanted to avoid of course. With him thinking that. I truly imagined it was going to drive him further deeper into the gigantic hole he was already in.
“Do you think I’ll see them again if I did?” He asked
What do I say to that?
I breathed deeply and thought about it hard.
“If you did, do you think they’d want to know that you’d killed yourself?”
“I don’t care, I want to see them, I want to see my mom and dad again”
“But, killing yourself isn’t the right way to go about it”
“The fuck do you know?” He said
“I just do”
“Because killing yourself is wrong!”
“So, you’d rather have me get eaten alive by one of those things?!”
“There’s no other way for me to die, I’d rather do it myself than be killed by one of them”
“Don’t, you’re my best friend, I don’t know what I’ll do without you”
“You have your parents, I don’t, least you’ll have them”
“But I won’t have any friends, not like you”
It was true. All of it. It wouldn’t be like something I’d just forget about
Erase from my memory like an unforgettable moment from a page from a boring book.
This guy was like family. A brother that I never had. A brother that I had always wanted.
“How can someone live without family?” He asked, “how can somebody live without their mom and dad?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t lose you”
“Anyone can die, my parents are”
He got up and walked away. I followed him. Every step the cool breeze was felt on my young face and the feeling was pleasant. We carried on walking with no words spoken.
He then stood next to the large wall where lined up trees were settled, “Check this out,” he whispered, “I heard it earlier”
“What?” I asked
He climbed up on to the trees. I was a little weary about it. With the state of mind he was in. I was paranoid
That he would do something stupid.
“Come on,” he muttered, “have a look, but be quiet”
I climbed up as silent as I could. I nearly fell and luckily Mason caught me. He helped me up and I balanced next to him. Holding on to the branch whilst balancing on the wall.
“Down there,” he said
I looked down. It was pretty damn dark, but I could see them just a little.
“Listen,” he said
I could already hear them and what I heard wasn’t anything to smile about
No way near
“Isn’t it amazing how close we’re, death feels so close, but it can’t touch us”
There silhouettes could be seen and there noises could be heard. It was a big drop down. I began to feel my nerves shoot through me and my legs become boneless.
“I’m not liking this,” I said, “I’m getting down”
“They can’t get us”
“I don’t care, I’m getting down”
“You’re such a pussy”
“Fuck you, if I fall that’s it”
“You won’t fall”
“I don’t care, I’m getting down”
I went to climb down and the moment I turned my back. I heard him.
He had fallen
“Ahh, Cal, help I can’t move, I think I’ve broken my leg!”
“Hurry, they’re coming!”
My heart pounded. I ran. I had to get to him