Survivors of the Z’s – Teddy Baker, outside Wales
A few years ago-
The kids played
They played alright. They laughed, played games and smiled their way through the lovely evening. It was such a warm evening, so warm that you could wander around in your underwear and not feel a chill. That’s how warm it was and I loved it. The sky was clear and the stars gazed down their grins. It was like poetry in motion. Like it was made for me at that moment.
She looked over at me and held my hand as we watched our children play in the backgarden. She wore nothing but her nightgown and I wore nothing but my baggy t shirt and boxer shorts. We were relaxed. Just my family and I enjoying the peaceful summer evening without a care in the world. That’s what it was. I enjoyed the smiles, the love in my wife’s eyes as she looked at me and the innocent giggles that fluttered into my ears
My children’s giggles
The best thing a father could ever hear.
The best thing a father would ever hear.
“Tonight just feels so special,” she said
“It doesn’t get any better,” I said
“This is all I need right here, nothing more,” she told
Who needs the world when you have a beautiful family?
Who needs the world when you have a wife and two amazing children who love you?
Who needs the world when you can be happy with just the touching of skin and the gaze of eyes?
I didn’t then
I was a man whose smile could last for days. A man who thought he wouldn’t be able to find love in a woman’s arms and finally did.
It was like having gold growing in your backgarden
I was rich
But not with money
The money didn’t matter and the money would never matter. What mattered was the love I was receiving from my family and the love they were receiving from me. I hoped it would never end. I hoped that road would forever last then I would take us to a mountain where nobody could touch us or poison us.
That’s what I hoped
That’s what I pondered in every moment I savored.
Did we reach that mountain?
For a short period yes
There’s always a but…
We did reach it and we did think that the mountain would’ve been invincible and unreachable. Turns out it was all fiction and a giant fucking earthquake was waiting in the wings to knock it down. That’s when it starts.
Yes I hit her. I hit her fucking good. I hit her right in the fucking face! I made her bloody and I made her squel. I made her regret every last word she gave birth to to insult me. Do I regret it? One half says yes and the other a big fat fucking no.
I looked at her and smiled whilst she looked at the kids playing. They ran around the garden giggling and we giggled with them. She then looked at me and I her.
“This is my world right here and that’ll never change,” I said, “this is all a man needs, if I could just quit my job and stay with you and the kids I would”
“Lets win the lottery,” she said, “and live a life of madness”
“I’ll buy a hundred tickets,” I said
“Why a hundred?”
“More of a chance of winning”
“Get a thousand”
We both laughed at the fantasy. The exotic feeling we got by thinking of a life without rent and electricity bills. A life without dealing with an arsehole of a boss who you’d wanna kill every fucking second you were in their company.
“Make love to me tonight,” she said
“You want to fuck”
“No, I want to make love”
“What’s the difference?” I asked
“Fucking is for people that aren’t in love,” she explained
“Same thing but in different categories?”
“Ok, I get ya”
She smiled and her electrifying gaze sped my heart up. Her touch was suddenly more powerful than before. I was in the zone and so was she. I wanted to strip her and fuck her right there and then
“Kids!” She hollered, “time for bed!”
“But we aren’t even tired!”
“Come on,” she told
The kids obeyed and we were suddenly guiding them up their rooms. I pinched her peachy backside when we reached the top of the stairs and she looked back.
She wanted it as badly
Maybe more than me
Lianne was first to be put to bed. Her eyes were still wide open.
“Goodnight sweetheart,” we said
“I’m not even tired”
“But mummy and daddy are and so is your brother”
“No I’m not,” he told
We tucked her into her bright coloured bed, turned off the light to her bright coloured room and walked Jack to his bed. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy at all. He sat on his bed and looked at us.
“You only want to have sexual intercourse,” he suddenly spoke
“What makes you think that?” I asked
“I maybe a child, but I’m not stupid”
We looked at each other and looked back at him.
“Good night Jack”
We then closed the door and looked at each other again in shock.
“Did he just…?”- she muttered
“Yes… yes he did”
She looked on confused, “how did he?”-
“Lets talk about it some other time, right now, lets make some dirty love,” I told
The blood poured off my hands like a burst cloud. If a person was sitting below they would’ve been bathed in blood. The knife I held had done it’s job once again and Elijah. The big young man by my side. Had finally come through and showed me he was going to be useful. We had killed the three that had burst out of the house in fury. The children were safe in the car and Elijah and I took care of what we assumed was the mother, father and older sister of the dead baby in the car. Unfortunately the children had to see everything, but it had to be done. Now it was safe for them to get out of the car. The kids joined us. Elijah breathed heavily as the adrenaline pumped through him. I did the same. The fight was over. My children were by my side and Elijah stood not so far away. I looked at the house and had a vision of us staying there. Should we?
Should we get in the car and go?
Those were the vital questions I had to think about.
“Dad,” Jack said
I bent down to him, “Yes son”
“I realise now”
“What, what do you realise?”
“I realise why you did it, why you killed mum, grandma and grandpa, you did it because you were saving them, because you loved them too much to let them live in this world, grandma and grandad were too old”
“Thats right son,” I said, “and they were going to take you away from me and I knew if that happened, it’d be over and I wouldn’t be able to protect you”
It went quiet for a short time
“What about Lianne, should I save her like you saved them?”
I looked deep into his eyes and I saw it. I saw it growing in him…