Survivors of the Z’s- Teddy Baker, Outside Wales, UK
After moments of thinking. Moments of feeling each second tick by. Moments of filtering through every single scene of killing the now- dead- man that was before me. He rested against the tree with his head to the ground.
A twig snapping behind me got my attention.
I looked around, fear avoiding me, “Who’s there?”
She came out from the trees, “So you killed him?” She asked
Her name was Abbey. She was a young woman. Twenty one years of age. The younger sister to the man I had killed. She was small, blonde and kind hearted. Her voice was soft and her eyes were softer. She looked as if she was dismantled from the inside as she looked upon what was in front of her.
Looking at him
I stayed seated, my back turned “You wasn’t there”
“I don’t have to be,” she said
I heard her walking. The leaves rustled when her legs kicked. She then appeared at the corner of my eye, “What did he do to deserve this?”
“He tried to kill me,” I explained
“For one reason, for what you did”
I looked up and stared into her eyes, “Oh really,” I said, “and what did I do?”
“You know what you did, I don’t have to repeat it”
I shook my head and sighed. I stared at her even longer this time, but she wasn’t backing down. She walked over to her brother. With her back facing me now. Something inside of me wanted to get rid of her and now I had to fight between heaven and hell, angel and demon, one on the left and one on the right. Which one will win the battle of words. Do I really need to kill this woman? This young innocent woman that doesn’t look like she has a black bone inside of her. A desire for vengeance doesn’t seek people like her surely?
What if it did?
What if she wanted to take something from me?
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
For a heart
My loved one because I had killed one of her’s.
My kids that had no part of this. What if she wanted to hurt me through them?
What if she didn’t?
She cried on her brother, hugged him tightly, “maybe you should kill me to,” she said, sadness and anger mixed in, “maybe you should come over hear and cut my fucking neck open”
She stood up and faced me. Her body straight, face stern with tears trickling.
“You know you want to,” she said
She walked up to me. She didn’t need to take her eyes off me. Her eyes gazed into mine with every step she took towards me. Tears flowed once more. She stood there
I looked down at her and I felt it. I felt my cruel self once again trying to climb out
“Maybe I do,” I told, “maybe I don’t, you just haven’t made the wrong move yet”
A hand then pulled back and immediately pelted me in the face.
“Grab your fucking knife!”
Her slap came and then…
I blocked her and pushed her to the ground. She went down and got back up. She looked at the knife in its holster. I had my had on it. She stared at it by my side and she weeped once more.
“You’re not gonna kill me?”
“I killed your brother because he tried to end me, you”-
“Abbey,” I heard
I looked around and saw Eric, a sixteen year old kid, Abbey’s younger brother. He wore a black tracksuit with a black cap.
“Eric, what are you doing here?” She asked
“I was worried, so I followed you”
“Francis,” he looked on at his older brother in the distance and began the same journey of torture like his sister, from shock, to sadness, to indenial, to… broken, “bro…”-
She went up to him and took him in his arms. He bawled on her arm as she took him in tight.
I felt it
I felt it big time
I was starting to question myself and one point, but I didn’t let the question go any further.
I did the right thing…
They both walked to Francis and sat beside him. Eric cried whilst Abbey consoled him.
“All of this because of that moment, for what you did!” She cried, “you should’ve just let it be”
“You know I couldn’t have done that,” I told
“First my uncle and now my brother”
“Your uncle was dangerous, especially to my family”
“He had regretted everything he did, everything! He had changed, we knew it, you didn’t know him! And now… now my brother!”
“They both deserved every fucking thing that I did, every, little, thing, especially your uncle”
“Just because there’s no rules anymore doesn’t give you the right to take away lives”
The saying goes
What goes around comes around
I had killed was nothing but scum. Nothing but a disgusting human being who had destroyed many lives.
You may see me as one of them right now, but I’ll let you in on a little secret, you listening…
I. DON’T. GIVE. A. FUCK
If I did I’d be a fool. A weak man who was too scared to swim in the deep end.
I had to
Do you wanna know why I did?
Stupid question huh
Here’s what happened…?